Perspective.

It's funny to see how things change over time. Perspectives, wants, desires, life goals... I've realized my pattern of not being able to stay put in one place for very long, which doesn't do well for jobs or housing arrangements.
I am yet again at a point where I feel the need to move away from the 6 month life that I've created here in Clearfield. It doesn't, nor has it ever felt like home to me. My relationships are mostly superficial, my jobs are far away, my people live south of me...I just want to be where I am supposed to be and I no longer feel like it's here anymore. Was I supposed to move here six months ago? Yes, I truly believe so. Have I learned things here that I wouldn't had I stayed in Salt Lake- Absolutely. For one, to stick up for myself in relationships. Two, I have spoken more times in this ward than in the past 5 years combined and it really isn't all that bad or nerve wracking anymore. Three, I have realized my potential as a member missionary and I am grateful for the opportunity I had to serve in the Ward Mission here.
I have made good friends here and some better memories...but it's time to move on. It's funny how your mind and body just know when it's time to go. I start to get restless when I am supposed to do something. An idea comes to me, and it may seem ridiculous, but it's persistent. Then I start to yearn for new experiences and things that the area that I'm in can't offer me anymore. The fourth thing I've learned since being here is to align my desires with the Lord. I used to want so much control over my life, but whose life is it really? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the Lord...I wouldn't have the opportunity to live with Him again if it wasn't for the Lord. Could I stay where I am? Sure could. Is it where the Lord needs me still? I don't think it is anymore. I could be wrong. These could be my desires poking through. We will see what works out and what doesn't in the end. All I know is that I want to be where I am needed and can be of good use.

Summer...

What a summer it has been! Lots of things have happened since my last post, but I will try to keep it short and simple :) First: I got this!

Then I spent a month in Texas with these chicken nuggets:

After Texas I worked five weeks of summer camps at BYU. During that time I had the crazy thought to buy this little thing :)

And she has been a blessing and hand full at the same time. Then, as of this past week, I am a proud new owner of a bed! A job! and food :) Hats off to a good, hard life!

A Week of Miracles

Let's start out by saying the last month or so has been really stressful. To say the least. I had decided clear back in February that I really wanted to move up to Salt Lake this summer and so I put my apartment contract up for sale here...Clear back in February mind you. I wasn't too worried though, I had time to sell it, and the nice thing was that I already had a place lined up to live in Salt Lake with a good friend!

Other things in my life were going great as well. School was good, working with rugby was still fun, I had a steady job for the first time in a year, and my car was still chugging along. Fast forward to the last week in March...My contract still wasn't selling and I had lowered the price, management wasn't helping me sell it worth a bean, I was so sick of school and just wanting to be done with everything, my car decided to start making weird noises and sputter when I'm waiting at a light, and on the very last day of March...I lost my job. Total blow hole of a situation. Everything was going so wrong but all I could do was laugh. It was straight out of a movie! I half expected a cartoon cloud of death to follow me around everywhere just so it could rain on me. Amongst all of this stink, I had the most calming and peaceful feeling in my chest that everything was going to be okay. I knew with all my heart that moving to Salt Lake was the right thing for me to do, and I just had to be more faithful and patient and it would come. It had to right?

That weekend went by, which was a super good conference weekend, and nothing improved. In fact nothing did for that whole next week. A little side note about conference...One of my questions was whether or not what I had felt was the Spirit telling me to move or if it was just me thinking it was a great idea. Let's just say Elder Scott confirmed my good feeling about it :) Anyway, School had increasingly gotten crazier and crazier. I was literally running around everywhere nonstop until about 5 pm everyday. I had had a few inquiries about the apartment, but no one was really biting. By the end of the week I was so frustrated. Money was weighing on my mind and how I don't have it. I made the resolve that I would go into management the following Monday to beg and plead with them to help me out. I had already gone in trying to use the graduation clause they have ( Guess what? I'm graduating!! Walking in April, but officially in August. Surprise to me too haha) but they had covered all of their bases so that there was no way out for me. Monday came around and it proved to be futile to fight them on it. They basically told me to try harder. I wanted to slap the lady in the face right then and there. Try harder? I have been trying since February. There are faded orange posters in my window advertising it, I dropped my price to $150 a month, I put it on my facebook status every month, I put it on KSL, craig's list, and BYU's off campus housing page too. I even went as far as printing out flyers and putting them on the bathroom stalls on campus. In the buildings that allowed it mind you :) So I was pretty peeved when she told me to try harder. Lady, I have been. At this time I was also going strong with applying to jobs. It was probably the third day in a row that I had done so, but I hadn't heard from any of them.

The date is now April 10, 2012. The start of the good news began with a few phone calls from some of the jobs that I had applied for. Even before the morning was done I had set up two interviews for Thursday morning in Salt Lake! I was so excited. The good news kept coming when I got a text from a girl that was interested in my apartment. She saw the place and really liked it, but said she had a few more places to go but that she would let me know by the next day. I've heard that one before. The next day I was completely surprised to get a text saying, "Hey hopefully you haven't sold your contract yet cuz I'd like to take it." I almost cheered aloud in class! The answer to my constant prayers had finally come! We went and got everything signed over and done with right after my class, and now I'm officially free of this place come next week! I couldn't believe it. I had job potential and I sold my place, all in a day of each other. I am so grateful for the patience and strength that I was given during this time because I could not have done it otherwise.

As I look back on all of the things that happened and when they happened, I've realized that they needed to be done. If I still had my same job I would not have been able to complete a lot of things for school that I was able to without it. And being so crazy busy with things lately helped me get through the remaining weeks of school, which officially ended today :) My last class ever at BYU. It still hasn't hit me yet. And my car...eh well maybe someday that story will change.

Sorry for the long post, but that's life right there! :)

New Direction

So yeah...It's been a while.

We...well I just finished finals for this past fall semester. I was lucky enough to only have two this semester. Everyone hates me for it, but I'm okay with that haha. I would have had three finals on top of a paper...but one of my teachers LOVED our class to the max so he cancelled our final and final paper! Good stuff, good man.

Anyway, this past fall was a hard one. My classes gave me a run for my money, I didn't have rugby, and I've realized that I regret a lot of things in my life...plus I really miss my friend Keilani. She's currently serving her mission in Korea, and doing wonders there, but I just miss her terribly. As for school, I think I've finally decided what I'm doing and how I'm going to finish up. I'm finishing up my major classes next semester, taking the BOC over the summer, taking my last three GE's next fall, and then graduate next December! Sounds perfect right? Let's hope so.

So let's just say, I'm glad I made it out alive. There were things along the way that helped me through: Las Vegas Ragnar, Halloween Half, seeing Julia and her fam for thanksgiving, a trip to Goblin Valley, among many others. Thanks to those that took part in those. I'm really looking forward to Christmas break and just being able to relax. I'm hoping to fix a lot of things when I go home.

Water

Once the clouds finally opened up and let a little sunshine through today, I decided to go on a bike ride out to Utah Lake via the Provo River Trail. I'd done the trail before, but on my roommates extremely small bike, so I was flying on my new (new to me) bike I got off of KSL. I was flying by, but so was the water that I was riding next to. It's been raining nonstop here for the past week so the water was really high and just crui

sing! Watching it rush by and seeing how much flooding it has caused around it got me thinking about the power and destruction behind it.

It's crazy to think that one of the most powerful and destructive things on this earth i

s also the very thing we need in order to live. Water. Our bodies are mostly composed of water, so w

e need to intake water everyday in order to operate normally. That's a beautiful thing! It keeps us alive. The ocean, on the other hand, is also known to have made massive things disappear and has caused quite a bit of casualties over the years. That's the destructive aspect of water. I think we, as human beings, have underestimated the power of water and continue to do so. We seem to think that we can conquer everything on earth, but in

reality we can't. Water sets us in our place.

I love the water. I love swimming, floating, the ocean, water sports, boating,walking in the rain, showering, drinking...anything! I also love learning about water. When I was younger, I used to read all sorts of books about sharks, natural disasters, and ships that have sunken in the ocean. But the thing is, water also scares the living crap out of me. The power that water has scares me, and if you know me well, then you also know that I have a hard time enjoying the water when I know that water creatures are in there swimming around me. That may sound funny, but if water is so powerful, then the creatures that live in it are as well because they've conquered it enough in order to survive. We sure can't say that for ourselves! You hear about all of those stories of people getting swept out to sea, victims of drowning, hurricanes, tsunamis, and even the creatures that live in the water becoming curious when human beings step foot in their habitat, and it's kinda scary. Now, I'm not saying that we should all avoid the water and everything involved with it, but I'm just learning more and more about my love/hate relationship with the thing that keeps me alive. Maybe someday I'll get over it and just be able to love it :)

Water. It's a beautiful, but dangerous thing.

Running...

That's one of my goals this summer, to run a lot more. Well, it's really a sub goal to a bigger goal of mine this summer, but I'll mention that later.

So it rained today, and I ran in it. It was perfect. Most of the time I can't stand running without music in because the sound of my own breathing and pounding on the pavement drives me crazy. I usually need something to distract my mind from over thinking too much, but today I just didn't want that. I wanted to listen to the rain fall on my jacket, and hear the sound of the water rushing down the streets as I climbed up them. I wanted the freedom to think about what I'm going to do next. Most of all, I wanted that opportunity to build my inner strength, the courage that I can do great things. The mind is one of the hardest things to overcome on runs and I feel like mine hasn't been in the right place lately. I feel like I need to retrain my brain to think good things, and to trust myself that I can do things that I set out to do, good things. I will no longer accept defeat from myself. I can do great things.

I mentioned before that I have a big goal for myself this summer. Most probably won't know what I'm talking about because it deals with rugby, but I'll tell it anyways. Currently I am a back. I've played most positions in the back line with my favorite probably being scrumhalf. We lost a lot of people at the end of this season for multiple reasons (graduation, missions...) so next year should be my chance to impact the team and become an asset to them. I would also like to try out new things. It's probably a little crazy, but I want to train for a forward position. That way if things don't work out with the backs I can try with the forwards, or vice versa. If they don't work out for either, then maybe it isn't for me anymore. All sorts of crazy thoughts running through my head these days! Anyways, the plan is to run more and to lift and strengthen my body and mind more for the upcoming season. It's going to be a great summer!

WE DID IT!

After so many years of struggling and having things taken from us... my rugby team finally made it to the final four!!! We just got back from a weekend in Minnesota where we trudged through the worst game conditions we've played in in a while. The first day we played UCLA in the cold and wind, but we handed them a 31-10 defeat. It was such an ugly game though. That seems to be our method though. Ugly game Friday and a better game on Saturday. Anyways, the next day was actually kinda nice. We played Navy and beat them 7-0. We totally dominated their forwards though and we should have scored more often, but it just didn't happen.

So now we are gearing up for the final four and championship game that we are hoping to be in. We play Army May 13th and then most likely Penn State the next day. It's so close!!

In other news, I'm busy trying to get everything organized into my new place and at the same time trying to get used to taking spring classes. It's only the second week in and I'll already have two tests next week! Crazy.